haiz... sian. Today I just sprained my left ankle. Doubt for the next few days, I can train nor play basketball. Sad. Hopefully it will recover soon. Anyway tml will be the posting day. Haha hope I get into a course I like. Well all the best for tml I guess. Excited.

" Injured like hell. Hope I can recover fully soon. "

Isnt if funny how love works? Sometimes it's just a thin line between things but yet it can do so much wonder. Cherish is something I learn from love. Something that has a deep impact on me. Yea so wat if I'm single now. I never stop to look for another opportunity. No doubt love dont come so easily, I believe my time will come. It's nice to see couple loving each other. It's not wrong to fall in love either. We all have someone special in our world. Even if u may not meet each other now, eventually u will meet her someday. Life is great lately. Everyday just going down for jogging really keep me fit. Training to maintain my fitness has already become part of my job scope. Well afterall I'm a regular already. No more NSF. So fitness is a must to maintain. Who knows, I might run marathon someday. Haha it's all mind over body.

" Wonder if she knows what I am thinking about now. "

Hmm just came back from another 4k jog. Wat a windy nite. Hmm now life is going on fine. Despite being single now, I'm moving on. No more clinging onto the past anymore. We all grow up and from the things that happened, I too learn somethings. Somehow, I'm kinda addicted to jogging already. Haha since course starting soon too, I guess I'll be spending more time on jogging instead. Of course I'll still play ball. Haha no matter wat, I must maintain my fitness and hope to lose more weight. I must become more slimmer. Haha basketball too, I must improve more. Guess that's life and goal for me now.

" No longer the same old me. A new beginning for me has just started. "

Hmm... single now is good. I mean I am more free and I enjoy it. To all my ex, they are still a friend to me. Being nobody to me is not something I would think. Even if there can be no relationship to work out, it doesn't just mean the end. Friends are always an option we should look to. Friends are there to help one another. To listen and advice when necessary. True friend never abandon another friend. I'm different and I know I never give up on a friend in need. This is me. This is a side I never show but I know I am one.

" I am different but I know I am not a person who will abandon those in need. I am so because I am willing to defend the country with my life. "

Hmm everyone moved on. I guess that's good. Sometimes all I just need is a word from the person. I'm prepared for the worst. Now I'm just hoping things will be better in camp. I'm making a choice now though. Should I go for someone else? Hmm camp is fun and training is made more easy with her around. Though she's on MC today, I still hope she get well soon. Training isn't the same anymore without her presence. Encouragement isn't there and so is the motivation. I guess once course start, I'll be able to communicate with her more and talk to her more. Like that, I can get to know her better before I make my choice. Hmm shall see when course start.

" All I was waiting for was you to be honest with me. Guess it didn't come at all. "

I guess all I see now are just empty words. If since you already have a decision, den dun give other ppl false hope. DUN give empty words when you know in the end yur words cannot be trusted. To be betrayed time and time again, I too have a limit. But still I'm glad that maybe this can put an end to everything. All my promises to you, I've done it. Yurs? I let time show me. Disappointed is all I feel now. So much for studying. All I finally see at the end of the path is a dead-end. Guess it's good luck for O lv.

" A person will only earn trust when he/she is honest to others. I've lost faith in you."

Another day have past. Drank quite alot today during happy hour. Hmm and I sorted out some thinking. I remembered her telling me action speaks louder den words and it's clear that her actions have proved to me what she wants. Finally, I decided to move on. From now on, whatever will happen on me, I'll just live through it. In the end, I chose to move ahead despite the burden of my heat dragging me to stop.

" Your actions have made me moved on. "

An answer? Hmm I think I know what it might be already. Guess it doesn't matter anymore since things have already progress this much. So I'll just let it be. Afterall somethings are quite clear cut and there is no point in trying hard anymore. I've seen the true colour and it doesn't matter to me anymore.

" All I'll preserve are the memories we had. "

Another day has gone past. Beside basketball, I guess I've been playing PSP alot lately. Hmm not much things to update le. Life is very bored for the past few days. Things seems to quieten down alot too. Contact have also been less now. I guess this is life now ba. I have learn to adjust to it le. Question is should I move on or let myself stand still in time? Hmm this is a question I think I will have to decide myself.

" There's a reason I'm holding back but there is also another reason for me to move on. "

Another day is gone. Just now girl told me, I must love myself more if not how can I expect ppl to love me? Y are u so good to me? Is it worth it? She know she treat me bad but yet she cannot accept me to treat her so good. Truth is I do love myself. It's not that I don't. It's just so happen that I always think abt others first before me. Why do I do all these? First, her parents will scold her and the amount maybe too much for them to handle too. Next, I can't expect her to keep worrying abt money matters when her O lv is coming. This is care to her. This is the way I care for her. I considered all the possible factors and in the end I think this is the least I could do for her. Helping her is something I can do. I dun expect her to love me but as long as I'm around, I'll always try to help her with what I can. You can't expect me to dun give a damn abt not helping her. I'm sorry but I'm soft hearted to the person I love. I can't be hard hearted to her. Even if we end up not being together, I still can't do it. It's my personality. This is me. This is my weak point. I guess I can only live with it. If she cannot accept me for this den I'll just have to accept the fact. Truth is always harsh. I just have to live with it.

" Love is blind. "

Hmm so tired today. Got home after work and I started sleeping till like 2 am? hmm yea. Today I spent my whole day at changi ferry terminal. Well took a walk there with the folks from chesire home. Those elderly from the home gave me a chance to take a walk and think abt things. Pushing a wheelchair isnt easy but I'm glad I did finish my job today. The other guys came back and it's great cause the class is back to full strength again. I just dunno why though my kokoro isnt here anymore. I'm really tired from all these. Constantly making myself busy. I know things might never be the same anymore. My smile is never real anymore. Sometimes it's just too much for me to find a reason to smile again. Things at the moment are not what I really expect it to be. I still remember I was really happy when I got attached to her. I thought things will be better and life have finally started to move on to the path I always hoped for. I guess I'm wrong? Hmm I guess I can be replaced in other ppl kokoro but in mine, I doubt I can replace it. It's never fair for me in life that no matter wat I do, I alone cannot change my fate. Sometimes being too nice isn't a good thing. But being nice is also the one thing I can do for her. Treating her good is the only thing which I believe will make her life easier. I guess I'm like a stick it post. Always ready for ppl to tear and use but the fate is, I'll be thrown away when once my job is done. Can I ever find the love I am looking for? Time shall tell everything.

" On the verge of dieing, one will realize the true nature of life. "

Hmm today I was really in a bad mood but now I feel better le. Just now ran with an uncle. He's a 1WO from Navy. Hmm though the run was a short one, I feel that I have calm down alot. Sometimes I really wonder, doing so much for her, do I not deserve her love at all? It's clear I love her more den she love me. It's clear on how much I wanna protect her smile, but do I really no deserve a chance at all? She told me I treat her very good. But even if I treat her so good, do I not deserve a chance to be with her? No doubt we used to be together but we broke up for a reason too silly for me to accept. Now after so long, do I still not deserve the chance to get together once more? I guess maybe this is the question which stopped me from moving forward. If there is no love between us, I rather she hate me and ignore me. I rather she tell me straight in the face there is no love. Than I can stop all these struggle. I took 1 yr to get over my ex whom I love alot. This time, I really dunno how long it will be. To be truly happy for me is to live my life with the person I love to the fullest. Being happy everyday. Now, I'm just another soul walking around living in my dreams. Can I come back to reality? I guess I will have to find out myself.

" Chance is all I'm looking for. Waiting only for the time to come and an answer to be given. "

Shit. I miss her so so much. Haiz. All these seems to be a test for me. A test of faith, a test of endurance, a test of patience and a test of my love. I really wanna protect her smile. Seeing her smile is more impt. It's true I used to be a lousy boyfriend but I've really changed. I'm no longer the old me. The one who used to take things for granted and never be responsible. Now I realize how impt responsibilities is and I won't shrink it. I just really wish for a chance to be with her. Start life over once more and live happily as long as we are together. Just wanna make her smile everyday and give her the best in life she can ever get. I will also never give up and abandon her. Just wanna be there for her all the time when she really need someone. Love is this simple for me. I doubt I will even quarrel with her. Promises made are meant to be follow and I will definitely make all my promises count. After all, I've been waiting for 6mth already. What is another 6 mth to me?

" I've never given up hope and I promise I will never abandon u. "

It's been a long time since I last despise someone. He really dun deserve her. Such a jerk doesn't even deserve to love. Craps abt feelings fade is bullshit. If you really love someone, feelings will never fade. He's just afterall a playboy.

" If there is the chance for me, I'll definitely be a better boyfriend than him. "

Hmm wat a day. Now I'm seriously injured. With the existing pains, now my tail bone hurts when I run. Hmm guess for a short period, I cannot play basketball le. Hmm shall rest for now. Maybe at nite I'll blog again.

Hmm wat a cold morning. Slpt at 3 plus last nite. Was waiting for a call but unfortunately it didnt come. I know something wasn't rite. I can feel it but den again I may be wrong. Hmm slpt for 4 hr though. Morning wasn't good either. Shoulder and gastric pain suddenly came and now I'm really struggling. What should I do? Is she attached? I really dunno! I just dun wanna see her sad. I like her smile and I just wanna see her smile all the time. I just wanna be there for her. I just...

" The pain in the heart is the most painful and fearful thing than dieing. "

Cold. This is all I'm feeling now. No matter how much injuries I sustain, it's no longer painful anymore. Gastric problems is coming back at me and seriously, the pain is getting worst but it's not longer a pain I cannot endure. Is things going to get better? I often ask myself what do I want in life. I maybe able to afford all the material possessions but will I be truely happy? I know all these while, I am looking for a special someone. Someone that will make me truely happy. No doubt at times we quarrel, I never gave up. Giving up someone I love is something I would do in the past. I would often run away from problems and never dare face them seriously. That is all in the past. Unfortunately, the world is a harsh place to live in. Reality always come crashing when you least expect it. Because of this, I keep telling myself to face the problems with courage. Never run away from it. The old me is gone. Life is so different from the time I had in my younger days. This society is often forcing ppl to accept things and evolve from it. I guess this is wat we would call evolution. The same goes for love. A small setback will not put me down. I will still stand strong and face it. No matter how much hurt I've obtain, I will still stand up after falling. In this world, hurt is forever there. But the difference is how we face it. Do we have the courage to face it? That is the question that will be etched in my mind for a long run.

" I know my heart is in pain. I know I'm bleeding inside but yet I still misses you. Beside here, I dunno where else I can tell you how much I misses u. "

Hmm lately I'm not sure why but I am getting restless. I'm easily tired at nite. Hmm perhaps it's the training I do everyday. Either strength training, speed training or group run. All these have made me reach my physical limits. The question is why do I train so hard? I don't understand though but I know I have a responsibility to be physically fit. I'm a soldier and I have to protect the ppl around me. That include every singaporeans. I need to get stronger. I have to. I want to protect everyone I care for and I will do it.

" Being able to protect is a gift of responsibility. "

A long day of exercising. Hmm jogged alot today. haha I think if I keep it up, my 2.4 timing will definitely improve. Haha cant wait for it to happen. Anyway time to some thoughts. Sometimes we human are just so foolish. Yet being foolish, that's something we will do infront of our love ones. 6mth was all it was. Being foolish and yet giving my heart to everything I do. I miss those days. Really do. I struggle for 6mth but those 6mths was a happy time for me. I really wonder if there will be more 6mths to come. Sometimes it's just the sight of couple which makes me feel down. I used to have a very nice gf but yet I lost her to another person. Didn't know how to cherish and treasure her. Now, I intend to let time show me if the chance is there. Somethings is best to let if flow naturally afterall. Recently, I just hurt both side of my shoulders. Hmm kinda bad injuries but I think I will recover soon. Life isn't that great afterall. I'm just getting older by the years to come. What can I say, I'm no longer a teenager so the problems I face is more complicated than those I used to face.

" No more the good old carefree life. Now everyday is full of pressure from my bosses. "

Hmm I guess things is getting better ba. Seriously if girl were to take out tat mask, she will really make a fine girl. Well glad she is changing. If she loves me, I'll be more den happy to get back together with her. Afterall, deep down in my heart, I know I still love her. I had to be harsh. I had to show her the reality of this world. One can never have the best of both world. What's left for me now is a miracle and a hope. A hope that one day, girl will come back to me and we will start over once again.

" I'm really happy for you. I miss you. I really do. "

Hoho. Finally, the match is over. Hmm well got 3rd today. Kinda cool. Haha at least we didn't lose today. Now I'm just waiting for time to meet my Staff then off to town and slack for the day. Well hopefully later will be fun. I really need time to relax. Too much things is happening lately and too little time to solve them. Time isn't on my side. Just hope things will be settled soon.

" Only time will tell. "