Hmm so tired today. Got home after work and I started sleeping till like 2 am? hmm yea. Today I spent my whole day at changi ferry terminal. Well took a walk there with the folks from chesire home. Those elderly from the home gave me a chance to take a walk and think abt things. Pushing a wheelchair isnt easy but I'm glad I did finish my job today. The other guys came back and it's great cause the class is back to full strength again. I just dunno why though my kokoro isnt here anymore. I'm really tired from all these. Constantly making myself busy. I know things might never be the same anymore. My smile is never real anymore. Sometimes it's just too much for me to find a reason to smile again. Things at the moment are not what I really expect it to be. I still remember I was really happy when I got attached to her. I thought things will be better and life have finally started to move on to the path I always hoped for. I guess I'm wrong? Hmm I guess I can be replaced in other ppl kokoro but in mine, I doubt I can replace it. It's never fair for me in life that no matter wat I do, I alone cannot change my fate. Sometimes being too nice isn't a good thing. But being nice is also the one thing I can do for her. Treating her good is the only thing which I believe will make her life easier. I guess I'm like a stick it post. Always ready for ppl to tear and use but the fate is, I'll be thrown away when once my job is done. Can I ever find the love I am looking for? Time shall tell everything.

" On the verge of dieing, one will realize the true nature of life. "