People say guys don't cry but rather they bleed. Well the saying is never true all the time. Tears fell today. I feel so useless. I thought by providing what she lack would be giving her a better life but maybe I'm giving her too much pressure? There's nothing wrong with being poor. I've been through such life. I may now be well to do off but I don't anyhow spend. But if I have to spend to make sure she eats well and have a better life, I feel that the money will be well spent.

I am also a human too. I have emotions and I do feel sad. Sometimes I just keep it to myself. I try not to show it out too. I will still keep a positive mind cause things will change. And those changes will be for the better.

My love is true. Nothing is fake. It never was and it never will. I know I may have hurt her last nite. I tried to help make thing better between her sister and her. I cared more about her. I didn't sleep well last nite too. A bad dream I had. I can't stop thinking about her. 

Just today, I'm being ignored the whole day. I know I deserve it. I don't blame her. I just want  to make things right again. I just want our relationship to be back to how it was. Everyone makes mistake. I too am not a perfect person. Sometime my decision can cause hurt around ppl that cares/loves me. I know that too. I cannot always make the right decision. I'm a human. 

To my girlfriend, I'm sorry if my decision hurt you. I never wanted it to end up like this. I though my decision can help prevent quarrel between you and yur sister. I regretted it alot. I'm sorry. I really am. My love for you is still true. I never give up on you and I hope you too will never give up on me. I love you alot. I stand by you whenever you need me and now I really need you to stand by me. Give me a chance to make things right. Give this white piece of paper another chance and I promise I'll be transparent to you. Never will I lie to you again. Forgive me okay? Loves!

I dun care anymore. Period. Really very tired. Very irritated and very FAN now!!! Just wanna be left alone!!!

Finally managed to squeeze sometime to blog. Been real busy with studies lately. Almost every week have test and exam. Well at least life is moving on. Though times I do feel lonely. Of course come Nov 16, I'll be staying in. Guess that's when life gets more tough. Now suddenly I dun mind being send oversea for detachment. 2yrs is the longest and I do hope to go US for my detachment. 2yrs there will definitely change alot of me. Next thing is volleyball. Joined the tournament in camp. Won the first match. 2 more match to go. Cant wait for it to end. Hope can get 1st or at least 2nd. Well back to studying le. Alot of things to learn now. Must pass out from camp successfully. Jia You Markie~~~ Haha.

I am no one but a person trying to find something meaningful for myself to live. I long for love but I know it cannot be forced. I long for peace yet it's so hard to achieve. All I want in life is nth but a simple world to live in. A world where I can be love and I can be myself at ease. Nothing goes to the way I've planned it to be. Always facing the burden and struggles of being alone. That's me. That's my life now. It's messy and yet no matter how hard I try to clear things, it just get even more messy than it already is. Is what I ask for very hard to achieve? Can't I for once just find someone whom I can settle down with? I planned to start a family but yet in this cruel world, I'm not given a chance. Is it so hard for ppl to love me? Am I too difficult to understand? Or is it because no ones understand my meaning of simple life? I tot maybe sparks might fly in camp but I guess I'm just too naive? Perhaps I am. Perhaps me being simple is a naive thing. I tried. I failed. I'll just keep waiting for the right time to appear. Loving someone is not an ez task for me. Till now, I still can't figure out why husband and wife can be together for so long. What keep their love going? Can I also achieve those love? I guess only time will tell.

" Just wishing for a simple life and a family to be with. Is it so hard to achieve? "

Hmm. It's her birthday today. Haha well did celebrate her birthday with a surprise. Glad she enjoyed herself. Today course started with a long module. I shall try my best to remember all though. It may be a long module but I believe I can handle it. Lastly, happy birthday again. Though I know she will never be able to view this blog. Haha well let's just be happy here will do. I guess I shall be going for it soon. Wish me success.

" I'm starting to think of the possibilities that might happen. "

haiz... sian. Today I just sprained my left ankle. Doubt for the next few days, I can train nor play basketball. Sad. Hopefully it will recover soon. Anyway tml will be the posting day. Haha hope I get into a course I like. Well all the best for tml I guess. Excited.

" Injured like hell. Hope I can recover fully soon. "