It's weird, I know it is all in the past but why am I still looking back??? It hurts to think abt the past but I really don't seem to be able to forget everything. Just had Val day ytd. It's fun but somehow it's lonely and it hurts alot. Suddenly, truth just unfold one by one before me. New which spread like wind reaches me and those news, hurts alot. In the end, it's still me which I can never beat. My shadow, it look like a tall wall which I cant climb over. Inferior to even think of loving another person. I just know I lost the rights to love. To give someone the care and concern she is looking for. Somehow, Val day serve no purpose to me and neither does new year. Too much have happened. Those past, those memories, all in all, I cant forget. Be it whoever I am thinking of, the though of taking another step, I hesitate. Hesitate because I am not worthy of her. Hesitate because I cant love anymore. Hesitate because I'm afraid. Afraid things will only end up the same. Things will only hurt me more. I'm already down and tired but I never stopped hoping things will change. I never once stopped hoping someone who cares will come along and love me. Too much time has passed but still I'm just waiting. Waiting for the right time, waiting for the right person. Been listening to "Wang Bu Liao" - Shi Wen Bing. The lyrics, do I still miss her? I dunno but all I know is, it's been almost 2 yrs since we broke up. It's a regret for me but I had to choose this path. Just so she can be happier. But was is worthwhile??? In the end, she only lasted another 6mth and she's alone again. Was it a right choice? Till now I still contemplate. What if I choose not to let go??? Will things be better??? All in all, these questions come into my mind but whatever the choice, I know time will never turn back. As for now, I will only concentrate on work and school. Love, till it's the right time and the right person appear, I shall just live life as it is. Maybe someday, someone will save me from my shadow. Maybe someday, I will overcome my shadow. Till that day come, I know all I can do is to give my best to everyone. Those who care and those who I cherish. This is all I can ever do. This is all I can ever give and I hope it can bring about happiness to ppl.


Past -> http://shuzzie.blog.com/

It's the Lunar New Year but somethings are different now. Somehow, I think I'm missing somethings. Every house I visit, all my relative always ask where is my gf and I had to smile and reply them I dun have one. Anyway, this new year will be a boring one.

Haha now for the good news, my laptop just crashed recently and the one affected is the motherboard. How lucky, almost near 3 yr till my warranty expire. Haha so in the end, dell gave me a free motherboard. Lucky!

Oh and I just watched CJ7. It's funny, touching and somehow, makes me just wanna cry but I noe I wont. I cant cry infront of all my friends not especially where there are ppl I dun noe. Haha but it's a nice show overall. For now, I will be planning to save up. There's still alot I have yet to finish settle so I will do my best for now. Exam coming and I really hope I will pass all modules.