I know i've hurt her today. I know i am in the wrong. I dunno why i did this too.
All i know was tat i felt very hurt. it's like i rush down after training today. I'm really tired from the training. i tried to surprise her. in the end, i felt outcast. i felt that i was invisible. maybe i have done things that made her afraid of me. maybe i have made her start to hate me now but sometimes i dunno why but i too feel insecure too. I'm a guy and i do have feelings too. After wat happened 3 yrs ago. I lost all my confidence. that's y i am so afraid to lose her.
Some times i even wonder if i am worthy of her. She is a good girl despite her past. I really dun mind her past. Who doesn't have a past? Everyone does and past is there for a reason. it's not like everyone cannot accept the other party past. no one is perfect. thus having a past is the best prove. a prove to show tat no one is perfect. i'm not perfect at all. i have many flaws. now, i'm supecting tat i might be suffering from depression. All i know is i feel so hurt just now. Maybe to her, she dun see tat while she is playing with him, i'm always looking alway cause it hurts. I was hurt but i'm not allow to show it. Cause when i do, i made her angry. Yes, to alex, i'm doing things that make her afraid of me. Maybe it's true. But i also did my best too. Loving someone is never easy but it doesnt mean i will not be able to give her my love. I'm just afraid i might not be able to give her the love she is looking for. today i notice that i still avoid ppl that likes her. I just keep thinking i can never compare with those guys. they are good looking while i am nothing. i dunno how to let her know this. i really dunno. i feel inferior when there is another guy with her. cause of this inferior feeling, i often avoid them. It's my fault to hurt her. Sorry silly girl. i really hope u will understand why i feel so hurt today too. Everyone have different view on things. The things i saw, just remind me too much of things that happened 3yrs ago. i really cant help it but feel sad. that's y i kept quiet just now. I admit i cannot afford to lose her. but if there is no choice, i will still abide her decision.