This feeling sux. Hmm I dunno how to describe this feeling but I totally dun like it at all. Hmm anyway great news, today CAT test I managed to clear a silver level. Hmm means if I maintain the same standard for my IPPT, I will pass with a silver. Haha cant wait for that day to come. Today also is the national day parade ceremonial. Hmm though it was a short parade, my best friend, Marian fainted. Good thing I caught her in time before she hit the floor. Well at least she is okay now. Looks like she must fall in from the outside rather than crowding around in the middle.

Now I'm just so tired. Both mentally and physically. Mentally tired with the presentation work which I have to present on Tues. It's not laughing matter. Last presentation kinda screw up so this time, I must not screw up anymore. Not sure why I am so tired lately too. Maybe it's cause of all the physical training in camp. Haha but that is not an excuse. I shall get stronger so that I can recover faster. NDP also coming to an end soon. Haha sunday will be the last and final performance and all my sat will come back to me. Life will resume as normal. Course will also be starting soon. Guess I wont be so free to blog when the course start.

Something personal. I still remember in my poly days, I had a gf and we were really happy together. But all these didnt last long though. In the end, she fell in love with a guy younger than her even though she said before she won't. We both struggle and drag the relationship for some time and eventually, I lost to the guy. Hmm I guess sometimes being young have its good point. Now being a working adult, I am able to financially afford to look after another person. My view on relationship also change. It's no longer like how I view it at my sec sch days. Those days, there were nth to worry abt. No need to be afraid if the other party cannot take it or if the relationship would last. Those days we all just care abt having fun. It's when I grew older that I realised it's no so easy to let certain things go. Maybe deep down, I'm still bothered by the third party incident. To have a relationship being ruin by another party is not something I can easily forget. It means that I am not as good as the guy and that I cannot keep the heart of my love ones. To lose her just like that also means that I did not do a good job as a bf. I failed in my duty to protect and look after her. That's why I'm so determined to give my best to girl. So I wont fail in my duty again. It really going to be a long and thorny path to take but I think I will endure through and walk to the end with her. That's one reason why I cannot let go of girl. Silly I may be but I guess sometimes silly ppl do have silly fortune. Maybe one day girl will realise my love for her is not a lie and accept me. Well hopefully it's this easy. But I know it wont be. Guess that's all for the day. Shall rest for now.

" I've been missing and thinking abt you the whole day but I didn't want to disturb you."